High Standards and Apologies August 29, 2007
A very painful situation has forced me to confront my ideas about how people conduct themselves and then further how they hold themselves accountable. I have very specific ideas about how I should be treated by people in my life. I think that, assuming I am treating them well, then they should reciprocate. I try not to allow anyone to treat me badly, use me or otherwise disrespect me.
When I do something wrong whether it is intentional or unintentional, I find no shame in apologizing. I frequently make mistakes, misinterpret things and I have a tendency to hold a grudge (a destructive habit.) However I try my best and I never set out to hurt anyone on purpose. I am as honest as I can be in all situations and I work very hard everyday to show kindness and patience to other people.
I must not be the only person who continually encounters people who act destructively for no other reason than they seem to enjoy it. I guess that would make them sadists by definition. I am continually baffled by these people and unfortunately for me, I am hurt by these people. I wonder where they come from and how they look themselves in the mirror at the end of the day? How do they have any self esteem and what are they trying to do with their lives?
I have no idea how people get through day to day living much less life with absolutely no morality. Are they just like viruses that blow in the wind hoping to find a host to infect and destroy? Or is it more purposeful than that?
I have finally come to a point that I accept that the answers to these questions will never be answered for me because like quantum physics, it is beyond my reach mentally. But the world would be a much better place, in my opinion, if there were a way to cure all of the amoral, sadistic people running around.
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